I was so disappointed when the doctor turned to me and said “I’m sorry Suzi, but we’re going to have to schedule a C-Section.”
She was breech.
I tried to fight it but I just couldn’t hold back the tears… I tried to wipe them away rather quickly but they were cascading down onto my belly rather quickly.
The night we found out we were expecting, I re-lived the 3 out of the 4 best days of my life. I sat in bed and couldn’t help but imagine what this time around would be like.
- What would Joe’s face look like when he saw her enter the world.
- Will labor be as long as the others?
- Will I get an epidural this time?
I closed my eyes and could almost feel the warmth of that new little body on my chest. I could almost hear a new little cry and I could see Joe looking down at me with water filled eyes whispering softly, I love you.
BUT here I was, in the doctors office feeling broken. It wasn’t going to pan out the way I worked it out in my head. –Why do we do this to ourselves?
Up until this point I thought “This is going to be a breeze, I’m a pro at this!” I know what to expect with a natural birth. I knew what recovery would be like afterwards. And now I don’t know. But life likes to throw you balls .. curve balls that is.. (hee hee I had to)
The baby had been breech for quite some time. I tried every trick in the book. Yoga, frozen peas on my belly, playing music by her head & gradually moving it down to try and get her to follow .. Nothing worked!
At around 36 weeks my doctor recommended an ECV. External cephalic version. He said I was a perfect candidate being that I had three natural births and that my amniotic fluid levels looked great.
*An external cephalic version (ECV) involves your doctor or obstetrician trying to turn your baby into a head-down position.
To learn more: ECV Procedure
My doctor does not perform ECV’s but recommended “the best” at New York Presbyterian in NYC. So I scheduled an appointment with the mentality – well at least I know I tried everything. Before I left the office that day, the nurse recommended I pack my bags so I’m ready just in case it ended up an emergency .. here comes the word again – C-Section! I asked my Instagram friends if anyone had undergone this procedure and I quickly got responses.
A draw between success and horror stories. And then I watched a few and said NOPE. This is just not for me. So I cancelled the appointment. This meant I was scheduling my C-Section at the next doctors visit.
December 20th 2018 was a cold yet sunny Thursday morning here in Westchester, New York. I waddled over to the passenger side as Joe was finishing up setting the bags into the car. I smiled to myself realizing a pretty layer of frost had covered all the windows. Joe got into the car smiling from ear to ear all giddy. He’s really cute – especially when he knows I’m nervous.
We were on our way!
The “put on your damn seatbelt” alert went off. Joe and I both looked at one another. We both had our seatbelts on though. I started laughing hysterically knowing this was really going to bother him. “Bing Bing Bing” for the next 20 or so minutes. We came to the realization it was his sensor that wasn’t working and so he started jumping up and down in his seat .. he had the minivan dancing … I could not stop laughing! All this because he forgot to close the sunroof on Saturday … it happened to rain cats and dogs that night.
Joe jumping, alarm going off – all while sitting on wee wee pads so our butts don’t get wet. I kid you not – you can’t make this stuff up. Lol
We pulled up to the hospital and I instantly felt nauseous. Will this go smoothly? God willing .. she will be healthy! What’s recovery going to feel like? I’ve never had any type of surgery before and this is well-major!
We had checked into the hospital the day before – we had went in for some routine bloodwork. We went straight up to labor and delivery.
I was greeted by a nurse named Christine .. “10 o clock C-Section” LOL! (Like I was getting my eyebrows waxed or something)
They took me into a room. Asked me to get dressed in … well – Chanel’s latest in fashion – gorgeous round neck négligée. 🤣
Joe and Jess went down to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. Jess is my sister-in-law, but really – the sister I never had! The nurse began asking some questions and said she’d be back to put in my IV. (Eye roll— I have the thinnest and deepest veins- this is always a problem!)
Just as the anesthesiologist was walking out after our brief chat, Joe & Jess walked in ranting and raving about how great breakfast was .. knowing I can’t eat — (Really guys!?)
The nurse strolled in “finishing up the first C-Section, we’ll be taking you in shortly to prep” ..
.. as she walked out I thought to myself “and what if I just got up and left right now .. I’ll just say I’m going to the bathroom and make a run for it … then again they’d come after the friggin’ Chanel dress! ”
In the blink of an eye, I was being wheeled through the halls of the hospitalS My feet hitting just about every corner of the hospital. ( I’m 5’11 and the OR was on another floor)
Joe was taken to the recovery room to change into his onesie and drop off our belongings.
They said they’d call him into the room shortly (felt like forever to me!)
It was SO bright in the OR – smelled funny too! I was as nervous as the room was bright….
The anesthesiologist asked me to sit up and curl my back, explained she was going to clean the area first. (Loved her!)
The nurses chatted with one another but I can’t even tell you what they said because all I heard was the sound of the utensils hitting the tray, or one another.
Not sure if it was my nerves or the fact that the room was so cold but I started to shiver uncontrollably. And before I could say please .. I had a nice warm blanket placed over my legs.
They asked if we had a name picked out, if the other girls were excited. How old they are … It was really cute of them but I really just wanted Joe in there already!!
My doctor came in, “Ok Sue, we’re finally going to meet this baby!”
Anesthesiologist: “You know the drill, small pinch in your lower back first, then you can’t move ok … ”
She helped me lay back down when all was said and done. More small talk as they began to scrub my legs and tummy down.
Another doctor came in and introduced herself, said she’d be assisting my doctor. They were all really pleasant and tried their best to make me comfortable. I kept thanking them all, a lot. I mean -complete strangers going out of their way to make me comfortable – and my life and my babies are in there hands. – they are pretty amazing to me!
The anesthesiologist asked if I was starting to feel numb in the legs – (Yes, but I can still wiggle my toes.. is that ok? I thought to myself) She placed something cold on my cheek and said “do you feel this” yes … On my arm: … yes On my chest: yes … “what about here?” Nope!
Doctor said “ok then Sue, we’re going to start” ..
… and then I saw my babe! Joe walked in smiling nervously. Boy was I happy to see him!
He started to rub my forehead and play with my hair.. my eyes studying his as he looked around the room- taking everything in.
Anesthesiologist: “How are you feeling Sue? If you get nauseous let me know ok.. if you feel anything at all – let me know”
Doctor: You’re going to feel a lot of pulling and tugging ok .. baby will be out shortly”
Everyone in motion yet time stood still for me … the assisting doctor began pushing down on the very top of my belly – with what seemed to be quite amount of pressure but I couldn’t feel it.
Then someone said “Get ready Dad .. here she comes .. yup it’s a girl … 11:04am!” and I watched Joe peak over the blue sheet, saying to myself .. .
“God, thank you! I love this man so much .. he has given me everything .. thank you for him and this beautiful family we have created.”
And in that moment I heard my fourth baby girl‘s cry. So loud! “Is she okay??” I asked.
Joe turned with water filled eyes, “Oh babe, she’s beautiful! .. I love you so much” ..
“Hey, look up mom” said one of the nurses as Joe was wiping away my tears.
It was magical. Just as amazing as the three times before it. I can’t even begin to explain it because there is no feeling like it. No greater feeling in the whole world.
“I love you” I said to Joe.. and I closed my eyes and thanked the heavens above again for blessing us with another baby girl .. all 10 fingers and all 10 toes.
I followed the cry and looked to the left and there she was.. this gorgeous little baby girl screaming off the top of her itty bitty lungs and throwing her arms around frantically. “She’s got a set of lungs on her!” said one of the nurses.
“We’re going to place her on you for some skin to skin Mom” ….
Yes please!! I’ve been waiting for this moment. 💕
7 pounds 9 oz and 20 inches of perfection ..
Arianna Noelle Guraj
*C- Sections are REAL births. Layers of your body were CUT OPEN so that your baby could have life. A true miracle. ✨ Try not to be so hard on yourself.