📔 Journal excerpt:
I never quite realized how metaphorical pregnancy was going to be to motherhood until today.
The morning sickness symbolizing the way my stomach turns every time you’re sick or in trouble.
Carrying you every day as you get bigger in my womb, to carrying you until you take your first steps, to carrying you until it’s the last time. Not remembering when that last time was exactly because you’re a beautiful teenager now and you’re walking out the door to meet up with some friends.
My veins created more blood so that my heart beats a little stronger for the both of us. Yet, you walk outside my body now. I’d gladly give it up for you.
Those sleepless nights rubbing my belly as you fluttered in my womb turned into the sleepless nights in the rocking chair as I comforted you from teething. Now I lay awake in bed worried about your first day of kindergarten … middle school .. high school.
The stretch marks symbolizing every time I feel broken. Tired. Overwhelmed. Not knowing if I’m punishing too harshly or not disciplining you quite enough.
I pray you’ll forgive me for all the imperfect choices I’ve made along the way. I promise they were only to protect you & help guide you the best way I knew how at the time.
Your body growing so big in my belly making it hard to breathe .. you see this prepared to meet you. You took my breathe away…. And continue to do so.
The pain of labor symbolizing my strength to raise you. The push to give you more and more of me everyday. Every mark symbolizing my willingness to pour my soul and energy into someone without wanting anything in return.
As much as I thought I wanted you before you were mine, it is nothing compared to the overwhelming joy you bring my life .. Every. Single. Day.
My sweet girls, I thank God I get to live this life with you. My only prayer is that he keeps you safe for me. You have my whole heart for my whole life.